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The Trumpish Cabinet

Trump’s cabinet

In typical liberal fashion, the mean weenie left has called Donald Trump’s cabinet horrible things. “Corrupt nitwits.” “Career criminals.” “Greedy thugs.” “Clueless dunces.” “Bad dancers.”

But no one accuses them of being poor. Depending on whether you believe Bloomberg or the Wall Street Journal, the administration’s brain trust will be worth between 8 and 16 billion dollars. Trump’s not just going to drain the swamp, he’s going to subdivide it.

Yes, he railed against Goldman- Sachs during the campaign, but a Commander- in- Chief knows the importance of expert money management, and The Donald has chosen a slew of people who worked at the investment firm. Obviously operating under the biblical dictum; “know thine enemy.”

Whether his picks are millionaires, billionaires or gazillionaires, they are all committed to the Trump vision. He may have issued an executive order to keep violent extremists from entering the country, but has no problem filling his cabinet with them.

Predictably, the Democrats resorted to their old stall- and- delay tactics, but haven’t stopped a single confirmation. They make eunuchs look like sperm whales. Let’s dismiss their silly baseless charges right now, shall we?  

Scott Pruitt, the new EPA director nominee sued the agency he’s about to run thirteen times. Big deal. He’s familiar with the legal department.

Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin made millions off the Great Recession by foreclosing on tens of thousands of homeowners. Opportunity doesn’t need to knock twice for this guy.

Secretary of Education, Betsy DeVos, never went to public school or sent any of her five kids to public school. Ever. Which means she’s starting off with a blank slate. No preconceptions.

Tom Price, the new Health & Human Services Director once introduced a bill to Congress that benefited a company he had investments in. It’s a trustworthy man that knows who his friends are.

Linda McMahon, CEO of World Wrestling, now in charge of the Small Business Administration. Want a loan? Prove you can go three minutes without being thrown into the turnbuckle. That’ll separate the wheat from the chaff.

The Ambassador to the United Nations is from South Carolina where ‘foreign relations’ means doing it with anybody who’s not your first cousin. We need someone who’s naturally suspicious.

Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III was refused a federal judgeship for being too racist. But Attorney- General, no problem. A living example of America’s tradition of granting second chances.

Trump’s daughter and son- in-law appointed to key positions along with his two elder sons Uday and Qusay. Because the family that rules together, beats mules together. Or something like that.

Andrew Puzder, Secretary of Labor, CEO of a fast food chain that was prosecuted for stealing from their minimum wage employees. Can’t use the phrase “Tough love” without the word “tough.” 

Chief aide Steve Bannon may be a white supremacist but at least he knows how to spell the word, “supremacist.”

The new HUD Secretary Ben Carson thinks the pyramids were built as grain silos. Who doesn’t?

Rick Perry, up for Secretary of Energy, wanted to eliminate the agency but couldn’t remember its name. His choice reinforces the compassionate nature of the administration by demonstrating they have no problem hiring the handicapped.

And General James Mattis, Secretary of Defense, is nicknamed… Mad Dog. Who’s going to mess with a country whose Minister of War is nicknamed Mad Dog?

Copyright © 2017, Will Durst.


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